I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
