After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
