My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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