Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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