I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
