apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
