Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize