totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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