is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize