he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I touched a dick in church today
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
