can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
