thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
