So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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