She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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