suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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