What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well you can't waste a boner
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
