My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
FUCK WHALES
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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