Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
