I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
