you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
