He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
