Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
