I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
