All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
