I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.