I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?