took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
