there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.