Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash