I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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