I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
