And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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