a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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