she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
