I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
