I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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