Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
