she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dear god my vagina.
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