i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
