I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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