ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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