He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The struggles of a small town man whore
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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