is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
