My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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