I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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