i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
