Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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