YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
