I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
