break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
