every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
