I wish my penis had an off switch
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
