he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
