we're blogging at a bar
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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