My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
