my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
