Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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