i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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