I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
