You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you didnt know i had herpes?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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