guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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