I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
