my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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