I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
