I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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