i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
