so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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