i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
