scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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