im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I just put wine in my tea
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
