She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How does one acquire holy water?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
