can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
