Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
