census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
