i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Enjoy the penises
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
