We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
