i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
